so this happened twice in my life.
i was sick one time, i was in high school back then.
i was hospitalized for the ten days.
the second time was maybe three weeks after i got out, i ended up having to be hospitalized again.
i might shpuld have stayed longer, but after approximately 4 days, i asked my mom to got me out of the hospital, no i was begging to go home.
in the end i was being hospitalized in my home for three days.
the sad story was, in total of two weeks i was beng hospitalized, not even one of my friends showed up.
not even one.
so there it go.
as i drive home, i think it’s a little blur, so i put my glasses on, and it becomes foggy.
i can’t see very clearly, the tears keeps coming out.
i’m trying not to complain about such small things that’s happening.
but damn, i used to love fridays.
i had an accident lastnight.
nothing severe really, but my motorcyle wasn’t that lucky.
i took a long pause to actually realize what was happening.
i could’ve died.
i can’t really keep my head straight these past few days.
but when a douchebag teenager hit me with her car, and i fell to the hard black concrete, my past just come glimpsing through my brain.
of things that i wish i could’ve done differently.
of regrets that i can’t fix.
i couldn’t even put it together, i had my parents to pick me up off the street. just couldn’t walk out of it.
i shouldn’t be joking about life.
and yet there i was, before it happened, mumbling about such minor things.
when i should’ve been thankfull for the air i breath, the food i eat, and the life that i owe God.
wasn’t planning to exaggerate this, but it gave a very huge impact for me.
how it could be the last text massage you got from me, the last time we talk, the last time we met, do you even remember?
but it maked me realize, i shouldn’t be clinging to these old memories when i’m the only one who’s keeping it. wasting a lifetime for wanting things i couldn’t have.
so this is where i’ll start.
i had an accident today, i’m sorry i didn’t die.
“i’m sorry i don’t understand, where all this is coming from.
i thought we were fine, your head is running wild again
my dear, we still have everything and its all in your mind
i never stopped, you’re still written in the scars on my heart
just a second, we’re not broken just bent and we can learn to love again.”
you know that time when you want to throw away all the things that connect you to him/her, but you just can’t, so you put it in a box and put it in the attic or somewhere you wont see again?
well, if i ever decide to put all the things about us away, i might need a whole house and a warehouse.
cause there’s just too much of you.
“gantungkan cita-citamu setinggi langit”
itu kata Soekarno,
seolah-olah beliau sudah tau,
ia meminta kita menggantungkan cita-cita kita dilangit.
pada langit yang tidak tergapai.
agar kapanpun kita dapat menengadah dan memandang cita-cita yang tidak terwujud.
mungkin, sejak awal beliau sudah tau, bahwa cita-cita itu hanya untuk digantung dan dipandangi, pada langit yang tidak tergapai.
happy new year.
happy and a new year.
the congrats sometimes kind of pinch me. like, you should be happy because it’s new year.
does everybody really feel happy?
i mean really?the celebrations, the fireworks, the drinks, all of it because of a new year.
i think a happy new year as a simple expression of relieve.
cause no matter how worse can a year be, you made it through it.
a happy new year is not a celebration of welcoming a new start, its a celebration for being able to last until the year ends.
2012, for me, is the hardest year of all.
but i made it through.
*hari kelima bulan Januari 2013, semua masih tampak sama. saya tak mengaharapkan apapun tahun ini. saya cukup senang telah melewati 2012.
jarak itu penting. jarak tidak suka dianggap remeh.
ada hal-hal yang terbatasi karena jarak.
ada kesalahpahaman yg timbul karena jarak.
kata tak tersalurkan dengan benar jika hanya ditulis dalam pesan singkat.
niat tak tersampaikan dengan benar jika hanya diutarakan dalam suara telepon.
ada yang hilang ketika mata tak bertemu mata.
air mata tak bisa diseka, tubuh tak bisa dipeluk, sedih tak mampu terbagi.
untuk maaf yang tak pernah cukup, untuk kita yang tak lagi saling mengerti, jika ini jalan yang kamu rasa paling tepat, maka selamat jalan.